"~If you treat people with respect, you don't need to worry about what people think of you~"
I disagree.
I actually am a very respectful person--to a point. When I choose to use them, I have very good manners. Unless, of course, you back into my car at the DMV, flip me off when I'm not driving 100 MPH to accommodate your reckless speeding ass (I like my car, and I like my spotless driving record, and I don't want to do anything to hurt either one!), or when I'm judged without really being known.
For years, I have battled with poor self-image. This is due to endless cruel teasing in school, and to some extent, my mother. Okay, and my dad, too. I've improved how I look at myself over the last several years through modeling, burlesque, and now as a (so far!) successful student with a dream or two up her sleeve.
Despite having lived with my difficult-to-live-with in-laws for about three years now, I'm happy. I have a wonderful and encouraging husband, and we both have grown as people in leaps and bounds in that time. Instead of being angry with each other or the people who played a major role in our current life, we pour that energy into our art. In the last two years, he's created a whole new image for himself that even his parents seem to like, and I've done everything from beating the piss out of a comforter dummy to a bar full of cheering spectators to making hats to grabbing that first foothold in the process of establishing myself as a local artist. And, we're both in school, pursuing degrees. Could we have done this stuff with our exes? More than likely not.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again--some people just aren't meant to be together. Matt and Amber brought out the worst in each other. Richard was too eager to please, and I took advantage of that toward the end or our relationship. The four of us learned the hard and painful way that we were with the wrong person. Richard now has an awesome (spazzy) wife, and they have a beautiful son together. Amber is remarried, in another country, and if I'm guessing at her mother's cryptic tweets correctly, about to expand on that. Matt and I are married, with 8 feline kids, and working very hard at being successful and fulfilled. While we are happy for our exes, and would like to share that kind of happiness, we've talked and agreed that we are nowhere near ready for children. We have a hard enough time with all the mouths we already have to feed, plus we need to not be living in the smoker's chimney that my in-laws call a house.
The problem with Matt's last marriage was that he was just turned 19 when he got married. He was still a kid. A kid in the Navy, who had yet to really figure out who he was. I will not deny that he and Amber were happy at the beginning of their marriage, but that's the problem when you marry young like that--you may grow into a person who isn't compatible with your partner. Yeah, some people can marry their sweethearts right out of high school and grow old and die together. Some. Others end up embroiled in bitter and messy divorces.
She felt ignored, Matt felt stifled. Which is a bad thing with two equally stubborn people.
While Richard and I never got married, it sure seemed like it sometimes. We were always around each other. He was clingy. He was so intent on keeping me, that he let me do almost whatever I wanted to do. He turned into a mess every time I threatened to or tried to leave him. And I will tell you from experience, being put on that high of a pedestal is not every girl's dream.
We have since determined that we make better friends than lovers. Which works out great, because when we start to irritate the shit out of each other, we always have the option of just saying "piss off, see ya later."
I won't lie. Amber took the brunt of this whole mess. Richard loved me so much that he refused to believe that we were just about over, but he was prepared for it when it finally came. Amber, on the other hand, fought. And fought hard and dirty. Even inadvertently got her mother taking to MySpace and Twitter to lash out at us. Well, more like me. Because I hate when people spew bullshit lies about me and refuse to accept the truth. And I get rather blustery when trying to defend myself.
But, whatever.
This year, I resolved to be a better person. Better in mind, body, and soul. This includes working harder to be healthier by losing weight and eating better; opening up my mind further to broaden my horizons and learn more about the world around me; and working at controlling the issues I have with my brain. It involves diet and exercise, surrounding myself with positive attitudes, working hard at school, having one hell of a good time at Burning Man, and not letting anyone's negativity get me down.
It starts at home, obviously. Did you know I haven't spoken one word to my brother-in-law since he laid his hands on me last summer? Not a single one. And I likely won't be anytime soon, either. That man is a piece of shit, no matter what anyone says. There is no excuse for a man who stands over 6.5' tall and probably close to 300 lbs. to be pushing his brother's 5'6"/140 lb wife around. NONE.
I'm talking, of course, about maybe not clashing with my mother-in-law so much. It'll be hard, because in her mid-60s, she's set in her ways, but maybe I can get her to see that I'm pretty much set in mine, too, and that no amount of her pissing and moaning is going to change the fact that I don't accept old-fashioned gender roles.
As much as it hurts me that my mom won't look beyond Matt's past mistakes and realize that he's learned from them, I'm not going to let that bother me so much anymore. I would love so much for Mom to accept Matt for who he is now as opposed to who he was then...or at least accept the fact that he IS her son-in-law, like it or not.
I'm still not sure what I did wrong when it comes to my baby sister, but I'm sure it'll sort out one day.
As for my brother's current situation, I'm going to try to not stress so much over it. There isn't much I can do except be his big sister, and tell him I love him, and continue to support him.
The biggest thing is, is that I'm not going to let Matt's former mother-in-law bait me into some kind of argument or debate. She has it set in her mind that her daughter is an angel, though more than just me and Matt know otherwise!! I've grown tired of trying to prove that I'm not this horrible person that she thinks I am. Though I've decided that I'm not going to let what she says bother me, I'll still be interested. I mean, just the fact that she still cares and thinks of me makes me go "awww..." a little.
I opened this "little" blurb with her last tweet, after I had posted a few hours beforehand that I was aiming to be more like Lady GaGa--to go out there, do my thing, and not let what others say about me work me up. Respect has nothing to do with it. It has to do with letting words roll off my back like water on a bird's feathers. Responding to others' opinions about me only stresses me out more, and in this crucial stage in my life, I can't have that happening. But, furthermore, I have no reason to respect this woman. None. Since the first words she has ever spoken to me, very little has been kind--or respectful. Why should I respect her? The most I could maybe go like, "Hey, wow, good job!" is the fact that she's been battling cancer. If the fact that Amber is pretty much doing what she accuses me and Matt of being, and the fact that her second child likes to throw in snide remarks, knowing less about me than her mother, are any indication of her skills as a mother--well, then, I can't say anything about that. In fact, I think Amber lied to me more than I ever lied to her--which was never. I hid things, but I never lied. Hell, even my ex-fiance will say that I'm a good person with good intentions. And he knows me better than anyone.
I'm going to prove to everyone that I CAN succeed at something.
I'm going to stop being a failure, take things in stride.
I'm going to reduce our debt, and hopefully never see our bank accounts in the negative again.
I'm going to continue my efforts at getting Matt to at least dramatically cut down his smoking and drinking.
Five years. In five years, we will be fully on our feet, and living life like a "normal" happy married couple should be, and well on our way to that white picket fence, and 2.5 kids.
Okay, maybe not THAT normal. But you get my point.
I think I may be done for now...unless I want to get into that karma discussion again.
Nah. Not worth my time.
Simply put--give me a reason to respect you, and I will. Don't base your opinion of me based on flustered attempts at defense arguments. Don't cut me off on the highway in the rain. Don't jump down my throat when I tell you Australia was a British prison colony. Don't call me worthless and lazy because I don't keep house like an old-fashioned housewife. I will not respect anyone unless they show a sign of respect for me.
I actually am a very respectful person--to a point. When I choose to use them, I have very good manners. Unless, of course, you back into my car at the DMV, flip me off when I'm not driving 100 MPH to accommodate your reckless speeding ass (I like my car, and I like my spotless driving record, and I don't want to do anything to hurt either one!), or when I'm judged without really being known.
For years, I have battled with poor self-image. This is due to endless cruel teasing in school, and to some extent, my mother. Okay, and my dad, too. I've improved how I look at myself over the last several years through modeling, burlesque, and now as a (so far!) successful student with a dream or two up her sleeve.
Despite having lived with my difficult-to-live-with in-laws for about three years now, I'm happy. I have a wonderful and encouraging husband, and we both have grown as people in leaps and bounds in that time. Instead of being angry with each other or the people who played a major role in our current life, we pour that energy into our art. In the last two years, he's created a whole new image for himself that even his parents seem to like, and I've done everything from beating the piss out of a comforter dummy to a bar full of cheering spectators to making hats to grabbing that first foothold in the process of establishing myself as a local artist. And, we're both in school, pursuing degrees. Could we have done this stuff with our exes? More than likely not.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again--some people just aren't meant to be together. Matt and Amber brought out the worst in each other. Richard was too eager to please, and I took advantage of that toward the end or our relationship. The four of us learned the hard and painful way that we were with the wrong person. Richard now has an awesome (spazzy) wife, and they have a beautiful son together. Amber is remarried, in another country, and if I'm guessing at her mother's cryptic tweets correctly, about to expand on that. Matt and I are married, with 8 feline kids, and working very hard at being successful and fulfilled. While we are happy for our exes, and would like to share that kind of happiness, we've talked and agreed that we are nowhere near ready for children. We have a hard enough time with all the mouths we already have to feed, plus we need to not be living in the smoker's chimney that my in-laws call a house.
The problem with Matt's last marriage was that he was just turned 19 when he got married. He was still a kid. A kid in the Navy, who had yet to really figure out who he was. I will not deny that he and Amber were happy at the beginning of their marriage, but that's the problem when you marry young like that--you may grow into a person who isn't compatible with your partner. Yeah, some people can marry their sweethearts right out of high school and grow old and die together. Some. Others end up embroiled in bitter and messy divorces.
She felt ignored, Matt felt stifled. Which is a bad thing with two equally stubborn people.
While Richard and I never got married, it sure seemed like it sometimes. We were always around each other. He was clingy. He was so intent on keeping me, that he let me do almost whatever I wanted to do. He turned into a mess every time I threatened to or tried to leave him. And I will tell you from experience, being put on that high of a pedestal is not every girl's dream.
We have since determined that we make better friends than lovers. Which works out great, because when we start to irritate the shit out of each other, we always have the option of just saying "piss off, see ya later."
I won't lie. Amber took the brunt of this whole mess. Richard loved me so much that he refused to believe that we were just about over, but he was prepared for it when it finally came. Amber, on the other hand, fought. And fought hard and dirty. Even inadvertently got her mother taking to MySpace and Twitter to lash out at us. Well, more like me. Because I hate when people spew bullshit lies about me and refuse to accept the truth. And I get rather blustery when trying to defend myself.
But, whatever.
This year, I resolved to be a better person. Better in mind, body, and soul. This includes working harder to be healthier by losing weight and eating better; opening up my mind further to broaden my horizons and learn more about the world around me; and working at controlling the issues I have with my brain. It involves diet and exercise, surrounding myself with positive attitudes, working hard at school, having one hell of a good time at Burning Man, and not letting anyone's negativity get me down.
It starts at home, obviously. Did you know I haven't spoken one word to my brother-in-law since he laid his hands on me last summer? Not a single one. And I likely won't be anytime soon, either. That man is a piece of shit, no matter what anyone says. There is no excuse for a man who stands over 6.5' tall and probably close to 300 lbs. to be pushing his brother's 5'6"/140 lb wife around. NONE.
I'm talking, of course, about maybe not clashing with my mother-in-law so much. It'll be hard, because in her mid-60s, she's set in her ways, but maybe I can get her to see that I'm pretty much set in mine, too, and that no amount of her pissing and moaning is going to change the fact that I don't accept old-fashioned gender roles.
As much as it hurts me that my mom won't look beyond Matt's past mistakes and realize that he's learned from them, I'm not going to let that bother me so much anymore. I would love so much for Mom to accept Matt for who he is now as opposed to who he was then...or at least accept the fact that he IS her son-in-law, like it or not.
I'm still not sure what I did wrong when it comes to my baby sister, but I'm sure it'll sort out one day.
As for my brother's current situation, I'm going to try to not stress so much over it. There isn't much I can do except be his big sister, and tell him I love him, and continue to support him.
The biggest thing is, is that I'm not going to let Matt's former mother-in-law bait me into some kind of argument or debate. She has it set in her mind that her daughter is an angel, though more than just me and Matt know otherwise!! I've grown tired of trying to prove that I'm not this horrible person that she thinks I am. Though I've decided that I'm not going to let what she says bother me, I'll still be interested. I mean, just the fact that she still cares and thinks of me makes me go "awww..." a little.
I opened this "little" blurb with her last tweet, after I had posted a few hours beforehand that I was aiming to be more like Lady GaGa--to go out there, do my thing, and not let what others say about me work me up. Respect has nothing to do with it. It has to do with letting words roll off my back like water on a bird's feathers. Responding to others' opinions about me only stresses me out more, and in this crucial stage in my life, I can't have that happening. But, furthermore, I have no reason to respect this woman. None. Since the first words she has ever spoken to me, very little has been kind--or respectful. Why should I respect her? The most I could maybe go like, "Hey, wow, good job!" is the fact that she's been battling cancer. If the fact that Amber is pretty much doing what she accuses me and Matt of being, and the fact that her second child likes to throw in snide remarks, knowing less about me than her mother, are any indication of her skills as a mother--well, then, I can't say anything about that. In fact, I think Amber lied to me more than I ever lied to her--which was never. I hid things, but I never lied. Hell, even my ex-fiance will say that I'm a good person with good intentions. And he knows me better than anyone.
I'm going to prove to everyone that I CAN succeed at something.
I'm going to stop being a failure, take things in stride.
I'm going to reduce our debt, and hopefully never see our bank accounts in the negative again.
I'm going to continue my efforts at getting Matt to at least dramatically cut down his smoking and drinking.
Five years. In five years, we will be fully on our feet, and living life like a "normal" happy married couple should be, and well on our way to that white picket fence, and 2.5 kids.
Okay, maybe not THAT normal. But you get my point.
I think I may be done for now...unless I want to get into that karma discussion again.
Nah. Not worth my time.
Simply put--give me a reason to respect you, and I will. Don't base your opinion of me based on flustered attempts at defense arguments. Don't cut me off on the highway in the rain. Don't jump down my throat when I tell you Australia was a British prison colony. Don't call me worthless and lazy because I don't keep house like an old-fashioned housewife. I will not respect anyone unless they show a sign of respect for me.
I should mention that my road rage leaves little to be desired. My middle fingers get seen a lot when it rains. Seriously, people get so fucking stupid behind the wheel when it rains!!
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