Sociology 110
Research Paper - On time
Student: Jessica Stallings
Subject: Modern Racism in the United States
Jessica,
The title page is correctly formatted.
The Table of Contents is correctly formatted.
The Abstract is sufficient although I would have like to have seen a short review of your resources here.
The body of your work is superb! You produced an exceptional research paper! I found no grammatical errors and your formatting is excellent.
Your bibliography/ works cited page meets the requirements of the assignment. It is common for the author's first name to be included in the citation and the date of publishing or accessing on the internet is generally listed at the end of the individual citation.
Scoring
Title Page: .................... 5/5
Table of Contents: ........ 5/5
Abstract: ...................... 10/10
Body of Research: ........ 50/50
Bibliography: ............... 29/30
Total: ........................... 99/100
Overall, I commend you for your excellent work. Your topic is very difficult to write about and do extensive research on. Congratulations on a well-written research paper!
Gary
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sociology Research Paper
Modern Racism
in the
United States
Pioneer Pacific College
Springfield, OR
Sociology 110
Instructor: Gary Wood
By:
Jessica Stallings
Table of Contents
Abstract…………………………………………………………………………………… 3
Defining “Modern Racism”………………………………………………………………. 4
Racism in the Wake of 9/11………………………………………………………………. 6
President Barack Obama………………………………………………………………….. 9
Racial Tensions on Cinco de Mayo……………………………………………………... 11
Conclusion……………………………………………………………………………….. 14
Bibliography……………………………………………………………………………... 15
Abstract
After a review of the works cited in this research paper, I will discuss the impact of racism in the United States following the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington, D.C., on September 11, 2001. It is reasonable to believe that the attacks added fire to the racist streak that has plagued the United States for generations.
Racism topics in this paper include only events between September 2001 and the present day. It will span from the treatment of peoples of Middle Eastern descent in the wake of the terrorist attacks, to present day racial tensions between whites and Hispanics.
In modern times, the words “racist” and “racism” are used loosely. Often times, there really is no attack on a person or group’s race at all.
I will briefly touch upon racial tensions surrounding the candidacy and election of Barack Obama. I will also discuss recent clashes that were perhaps worsened by a state’s recent passing of a controversial immigration bill.
Defining “Modern Racism”
“America remains a land where progress can be measured in the amazing achievements of Oprah and Obama. And a place where examples of intolerance can be found on any given day.”
Racism has been prevalent throughout history, beginning in Biblical times. The Bible states that “you shall not wrong a stranger or oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” (Exodus 22:21) Yet, followers of Christianity are the biggest offenders of all—from the generations-old persecution of the Jews, to the Crusades in the Middle East. Those who claim to be of the Christian faith are white supremacists in the form of Nazis, the Ku Klux Klan, or just blatantly racist hypocrites.
The world—and the United States, in particular—is in a very racially charged era. In fact, the term “racism” has been diluted to the point where not only is one who is prejudiced against their black neighbor a racist, but one who is prejudiced against their child’s Buddhist teacher is also labeled as a racist, even if that teacher is white. Modern racism is discrimination and prejudice against not only skin color and ethnicity, it now entails religious preferences.
“In modern America, racism means anything you want it to mean. That means that if your advocacy group says something is racism, then it’s racism. Even if it has nothing to do with race…
So why don’t the accusers use the right term?
…You get a lot more traction calling someone a racist than you do accusing him of being a religious bigot, a xenophobe, or almost anything else.”
A group of psychology students in 2000 defined modern racism as being “evolved from an aggressive prejudicial behavior to a more subtle prejudicial behavior. This type of subtle prejudicial behavior has advanced to a degree that is much more difficult to see, yet is regarded as more severe.”
Racism in the Wake of 9/11
On September 11, 2001, nineteen Muslim terrorists hijacked and crashed four airliners into the World Trade Center in New York, the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., and a field in Pennsylvania. Later, Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda claimed responsibility for the attacks that killed approximately 3,000 people, and rattled the nation.
Governments around the world enforced stricter airport security, while at the same time rounding up anyone believed to have ties with terrorist networks. The large majority of those arrested were Muslim or of Middle Eastern descent.
The world powers weren’t the only ones showing some form of discrimination in the wake of the attacks. Private citizens were lashing out at anyone of color—Muslims, Arabs, Indians, and even Latinos, to name a few—were bearing the brunt of a scared population.
One journalist noted white women being searched because their names were on a “random” search list—they had Arab last names, but when the security personnel saw that the women were white, they were notably embarrassed at their “blunder”. He also witnessed a group of Hispanics being pulled out of line and searched because they had the same skin color as most Arabs.
For the fifth anniversary of the attacks, MSNBC asked readers about their post-9/11 lives. The stories of three women were printed: a woman of East Indian descent, a woman who had children calling her and her Sikh husband “Osama bin Laden”, and a white merchant whose business took a hit for the Middle Eastern items she sold.
After the attacks, an American student—who also happened to be a Sikh—decided to study the impact of post-9/11 hate crimes. She applied for and received a grant from Stanford University (where she was a student of International Relations and Religious Studies) to travel and document a changed America.
“Beginning in September 2001, we embarked on a four-month trek into the heart of America, up and down the Californian coast, through the Arizona desert, to the mass grave that replaces the World Trade Center, and finally traveled half way around the world to a small village in Punjab, India. We interviewed Sikh, Muslim, Arab, Afghan, and South Asian Americans about their encounters with fear, suspicion, and hate. We spent the most time with Sikh Americans, a religious community originally from Punjab. Most people may not know that nearly all people with turbans in the United States are Sikh men (and sometimes women) who do not cut their hair in order to observe an article of Sikh faith. Given their resemblance to Osama bin Laden, many Sikh Americans faced particularly heavy violence in the first weeks of the backlash.”
Valarie Kaur went on to describe how she met with the family of a man murdered just days after the attacks, and how the children in the family spoke of still being afraid, begging their father not to wear his turban for fear that he’ll end up dead, too. She also recalled weeping with the man’s widow in Punjab. This man in Arizona was murdered simply because he was wearing a turban—the fact that he was an honest, hard-working American citizen meant nothing to the man who gunned him down. The man was wearing a turban like bin Laden, and was therefore a threat to his killer.
Many have likened the reaction to Muslims and Arabs to the country’s treatment of the Japanese after the Japanese Imperial Navy bombed the United States Navy’s base in Pearl Harbor, Hawai’i, in 1941, killing thousands, and temporarily crippling the U.S. Pacific fleet. Americans immediately started to retaliate against their Japanese-American neighbors. Shortly after, the U.S. government ordered the roundup of the Japanese in the country to internment camps around the U.S. This was for their safety, as well as preventing any espionage.
Journalist Michael Manekin interviewed Imam Tahir Anwar, the director of religious services of a Northern California Islamic center, about the similarities between the post-event racism of the attack on Pearl Harbor, and the attacks on 9/11.
“’You would imagine that we would learn after Pearl Harbor, but we just haven’t learned the most important lesson: Don’t judge people based on the color of their skin or what they look like,’ said Anwar.
While Anwar pointed out that Japanese Americans suffered far worse after the bombing of Pearl Harbor than Muslim Americans after 9/11, he added that ‘Muslims do feel like they’re living in a camp.’”
President Barack Obama
The United States had a huge and significant historical event in 2008—for the first time in its history, a non-white man was elected President. Not only a non-white man, but an African-American man.
With the candidacy of Barack Obama came waves of racist remarks and threats. The FBI and Secret Service were on their toes, always investigating threats of violence against then-Senator Obama (D-IL).
One blogger noted comments on blogs and forum threads directed towards Obama leaned toward the days of the Klan:
“The KKK or someone WILL assassinate Obama! If we get a NIGGER President all you NIGGER’s [sic] will think you’ve won and that the WHITE people will have to bow to you[.] FUCK THAT.”
“I’m hoping someone will do his public duty of putting a bullet through Obama’s head.”
“LOOK OUT NIGGER. THE KLAN IS GETTING BIGGER!!!!!!”
“The deep south is making plans.”
Another blogger noted similar comments:
“The Negros are coming!!! The Negros are coming!!!”
“you know this president we have is following a great man in his time. but at the end he got shot.lol”
“Obama is our first Moor president – half-Arab and half-black. Or should I say half-camel and half-ape.”
“What is the difference between Obama and dog S H I T? Nothing. They smell the same.”
These comments are protected by our First Amendment rights, yet they also show that much of the country is still stuck in the mindset that blacks are inferior. The question some would ask is, why do so many people of color wish to live here, even when so many people outwardly hate our nation’s leader, a man of color?
Racial Tensions on Cinco de Mayo
Cinco de Mayo (May 5) is the celebration of Mexico’s unlikely victory over the French in Pueblo, Mexico, in 1862. Though not widely celebrated in Mexico (outside of Pueblo), it is celebrated in the United States. Many—including Hispanics—mistakenly celebrate it as Mexico’s independence day.
Cinco de Mayo 2010 would be different. With the passage of a hotly controversial immigration bill in the state of Arizona in April, tensions were high, and it spilled into our schools.
High school sophomore Nick Morris attends Klein Collins High School in Spring, Texas. On May 5, he saw a Mexican flag hung off of a landing in a hallway in his school. He took it upon himself to remove the flag, and when he was unable to locate the flag’s owner, he threw it away. He was given a three day suspension, and ordered to pay for the flag. On top of that, he is also now labeled as a racist by many of the other students.
Morris and his mother took to the airwaves to protest, and spoke on the subject on a Houston radio show.
“’Cinco De Mayo is a great holiday,’ Morris told the radio host. ‘I have no problem with red white and green everywhere; it's student speech, it's what America basically is. I said, “The only problem I did have is when you fly the flag of a neighboring country in a public school.”’
But while Morris has also clarified the flag was merely hung in a hallway and not on a pole or over the American flag, he does contend the Mexican flag was displayed disrespectfully, since it was posted higher than the Stars and Stripes.
‘I told them it was higher than the American flag. I said there is one American flag in this building; it's lower than the Mexican flag,’ Morris said in his radio interview. ‘I took a tape measure and measured; that flag was 4 feet higher than [both] the American and Texas flag.’"
On that same day, five students were sent home in Morgan Hill, California, after being warned by school administrators that the clothing they wore bearing the American flag was “incendiary”, and would cause problems with the Hispanic students—who were waving Mexican flags and colors. They could either turn their shirts inside out, or go home, but would be suspended if they attended their classes with the clothing on. The boys were taken home by their parents.
The factors that have played out the most were: 1) the school administrator who initially approached the boys was Hispanic; 2) the administrators were trying to prevent racism, but by insinuating that the Hispanic students would get violent, were being subtly racist themselves; 3) the Hispanic students got to wear their colors (though eventually, school officials began confiscating Mexican flags); and more importantly, 4) statements and comments:
"’I think they should apologize 'cause it is a Mexican heritage day,’ Live Oak High student Annicia Nunez said. ‘We don't deserve to be disrespected like that. We wouldn't do that on the Fourth of July.’"
“I am so sick and tired of liberals, especially those running some of the school systems. To them, everything is relative, including morality. Hey left-wing apologists: This is America. Love it or leave it, you scumbag pansies.”
“Apologize? Had Mexico been worth celebrating, you'd still be there. These kids need to sude the hell out of the school for infringing on their rights. Cinco de Mayo is not a celebration of Mexican-Americans. It's a celebration of Mexicans. I hope these clowns figure out which of the two they are before the country opts to go Sheriff Joe on them.”
“Shame, shame, shame. How dare this happen in America? Anyone who condoned this action or approved the concept should be fired immediately. These students did nothing wrong, and to single them out in their country while service members are engaged in a two-front war is, frankly, un-American, unpatriotic and stupid.”
“Annicia, you and all the other America haters at your school, please leave my country. I don't even care if you are a U.S. citizen. You don't even know what this country is all about.”
“As a veteran, I was prepared to give my life for my country and the flag because these colors never run. This is America. They need to sue that school system into the stone age.”
Conclusion
Clearly, terrorism, immigration, and good old white supremacy still reign supreme in the U.S. Unfortunately, those of color take every opportunity to cry “racism”.
We are obviously in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” place.
Immigration reform? We’re racist against the Mexicans that do the jobs we won’t do, yet economists have shown that they drive down the wages of the lower working class.
Prevent terrorist attacks? We’re racist against Middle Easterners, and even Muslims—though Islam is a religion, not a race.
Elect a black President? It’s almost as if the Jim Crow laws were still around.
Just how do we address modern racism? Even President Obama tries to avoid the subject. Racism is as taboo as having a sexual relationship with your sister. Yet it is a real problem—one we refuse to seriously address.
Bibliography
Dickirson, A., Schmit, J., Richardson, A., & Serrott-Franz, A. (2000). Modern Racism. Retrieved June 23, 2010, from Discrimination in the Workplace: http://www.units.muohio.edu/psybersite/workplace/modernweb.shtml
Exodus. In The Holy Bible (p. 22:21).
Herd, S., Singh, M. Z., & Burns, R. (2006). Scorched by post-9/11 racism. Retrieved June 24, 2010, from MSNBC: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14587965/print/1/displaymode/1098/
Hustemyre, C. (2009, April 5). Modern American 'Racism'. Retrieved June 23, 2010, from American Thinker: http://www.americanthinker.com/2009/04/modern_american_racism.html
J.D. (2009, January 19). Racism on the rise as Obama nears presidency. Retrieved June 23, 2010, from The Modern Left: http://www.themodernleft.com/2009/01/racism-on-rise-as-obama-nears.html
Kaur, V. (2002, October). Turbans and Terror: Racism After September 11. Retrieved June 24, 2010, from Sikh Spectrum: http://www.sikhspectrum.com/102002/valerieb.htm
Manekin, M. (2006, December 8). Japanese, Muslims recall racism. Retrieved June 23, 2010, from Imam Tahir Anwar: http://www.imamtahir.com/content/Articles/insidebayarea_japanese_muslims.pdf
Potok, M. (2008, February 20). Racist Attacks on Obama Growing More Heated. Retrieved June 23, 2010, from Southern Poverty Law Center: http://www.splcenter.org/blog/2008/02/20/racist-attacks-on-obama-growing-more-heated/
Ragland, J. (2008, January 18). Modern racism has changed, but it's still there. The Dallas Morning News .
Schilling, C. (2010, May 6). Principal bans U.S. flag T-shirts on Mexican holiday. Retrieved June 17, 2010, from WorldNetDaily: http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=150453
Wise, T. (2001, December 11). Rationalizing Racism: Panic and Profiling After 9/11. Retrieved June 24, 2010, from AlterNet: http://www.alternet.org/12065
Zahn, D. (2010, May 8). Flag wars! Teen gets 3-day Cinco de Mayo suspension. Retrieved June 17, 2010, from WorldNetDaily: http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=151053
**Maintenant, prenez ce papier avant putain je finis par faire sauter mon ordinateur!**
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Weight struggles.
I've been struggling with my weight all of my adult life.
The most I've weighed is 175 lbs., which is well above healthy for my height and age.
As of before lunch, I'm at 168. Between my mother-in-law and Tyler, I seem to be holding about that. First, Ty buys me strawberry crepes as a thank you for being his designated driver on his birthday, then my mother-in-law has me bake this absolutely disgustingly rich cake. The beginning of my diet just really sucked.
But, I'm sick of not fitting into my clothes, and it's cheaper to lose weight than buy new clothes. Also, with our Burning Man trip coming up, I'd like to be able to bikini top/sports bra it when it gets too damn hot, without feeling like a tub of lard.
I'm not THAT big, but with my still-low self-esteem, I may as well be.
The most I've weighed is 175 lbs., which is well above healthy for my height and age.
As of before lunch, I'm at 168. Between my mother-in-law and Tyler, I seem to be holding about that. First, Ty buys me strawberry crepes as a thank you for being his designated driver on his birthday, then my mother-in-law has me bake this absolutely disgustingly rich cake. The beginning of my diet just really sucked.
But, I'm sick of not fitting into my clothes, and it's cheaper to lose weight than buy new clothes. Also, with our Burning Man trip coming up, I'd like to be able to bikini top/sports bra it when it gets too damn hot, without feeling like a tub of lard.
I'm not THAT big, but with my still-low self-esteem, I may as well be.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
In which I bring out the negative aspects in my life, to focus on working on the positive!!
"~If you treat people with respect, you don't need to worry about what people think of you~"
I disagree.
I actually am a very respectful person--to a point. When I choose to use them, I have very good manners. Unless, of course, you back into my car at the DMV, flip me off when I'm not driving 100 MPH to accommodate your reckless speeding ass (I like my car, and I like my spotless driving record, and I don't want to do anything to hurt either one!), or when I'm judged without really being known.
For years, I have battled with poor self-image. This is due to endless cruel teasing in school, and to some extent, my mother. Okay, and my dad, too. I've improved how I look at myself over the last several years through modeling, burlesque, and now as a (so far!) successful student with a dream or two up her sleeve.
Despite having lived with my difficult-to-live-with in-laws for about three years now, I'm happy. I have a wonderful and encouraging husband, and we both have grown as people in leaps and bounds in that time. Instead of being angry with each other or the people who played a major role in our current life, we pour that energy into our art. In the last two years, he's created a whole new image for himself that even his parents seem to like, and I've done everything from beating the piss out of a comforter dummy to a bar full of cheering spectators to making hats to grabbing that first foothold in the process of establishing myself as a local artist. And, we're both in school, pursuing degrees. Could we have done this stuff with our exes? More than likely not.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again--some people just aren't meant to be together. Matt and Amber brought out the worst in each other. Richard was too eager to please, and I took advantage of that toward the end or our relationship. The four of us learned the hard and painful way that we were with the wrong person. Richard now has an awesome (spazzy) wife, and they have a beautiful son together. Amber is remarried, in another country, and if I'm guessing at her mother's cryptic tweets correctly, about to expand on that. Matt and I are married, with 8 feline kids, and working very hard at being successful and fulfilled. While we are happy for our exes, and would like to share that kind of happiness, we've talked and agreed that we are nowhere near ready for children. We have a hard enough time with all the mouths we already have to feed, plus we need to not be living in the smoker's chimney that my in-laws call a house.
The problem with Matt's last marriage was that he was just turned 19 when he got married. He was still a kid. A kid in the Navy, who had yet to really figure out who he was. I will not deny that he and Amber were happy at the beginning of their marriage, but that's the problem when you marry young like that--you may grow into a person who isn't compatible with your partner. Yeah, some people can marry their sweethearts right out of high school and grow old and die together. Some. Others end up embroiled in bitter and messy divorces.
She felt ignored, Matt felt stifled. Which is a bad thing with two equally stubborn people.
While Richard and I never got married, it sure seemed like it sometimes. We were always around each other. He was clingy. He was so intent on keeping me, that he let me do almost whatever I wanted to do. He turned into a mess every time I threatened to or tried to leave him. And I will tell you from experience, being put on that high of a pedestal is not every girl's dream.
We have since determined that we make better friends than lovers. Which works out great, because when we start to irritate the shit out of each other, we always have the option of just saying "piss off, see ya later."
I won't lie. Amber took the brunt of this whole mess. Richard loved me so much that he refused to believe that we were just about over, but he was prepared for it when it finally came. Amber, on the other hand, fought. And fought hard and dirty. Even inadvertently got her mother taking to MySpace and Twitter to lash out at us. Well, more like me. Because I hate when people spew bullshit lies about me and refuse to accept the truth. And I get rather blustery when trying to defend myself.
But, whatever.
This year, I resolved to be a better person. Better in mind, body, and soul. This includes working harder to be healthier by losing weight and eating better; opening up my mind further to broaden my horizons and learn more about the world around me; and working at controlling the issues I have with my brain. It involves diet and exercise, surrounding myself with positive attitudes, working hard at school, having one hell of a good time at Burning Man, and not letting anyone's negativity get me down.
It starts at home, obviously. Did you know I haven't spoken one word to my brother-in-law since he laid his hands on me last summer? Not a single one. And I likely won't be anytime soon, either. That man is a piece of shit, no matter what anyone says. There is no excuse for a man who stands over 6.5' tall and probably close to 300 lbs. to be pushing his brother's 5'6"/140 lb wife around. NONE.
I'm talking, of course, about maybe not clashing with my mother-in-law so much. It'll be hard, because in her mid-60s, she's set in her ways, but maybe I can get her to see that I'm pretty much set in mine, too, and that no amount of her pissing and moaning is going to change the fact that I don't accept old-fashioned gender roles.
As much as it hurts me that my mom won't look beyond Matt's past mistakes and realize that he's learned from them, I'm not going to let that bother me so much anymore. I would love so much for Mom to accept Matt for who he is now as opposed to who he was then...or at least accept the fact that he IS her son-in-law, like it or not.
I'm still not sure what I did wrong when it comes to my baby sister, but I'm sure it'll sort out one day.
As for my brother's current situation, I'm going to try to not stress so much over it. There isn't much I can do except be his big sister, and tell him I love him, and continue to support him.
The biggest thing is, is that I'm not going to let Matt's former mother-in-law bait me into some kind of argument or debate. She has it set in her mind that her daughter is an angel, though more than just me and Matt know otherwise!! I've grown tired of trying to prove that I'm not this horrible person that she thinks I am. Though I've decided that I'm not going to let what she says bother me, I'll still be interested. I mean, just the fact that she still cares and thinks of me makes me go "awww..." a little.
I opened this "little" blurb with her last tweet, after I had posted a few hours beforehand that I was aiming to be more like Lady GaGa--to go out there, do my thing, and not let what others say about me work me up. Respect has nothing to do with it. It has to do with letting words roll off my back like water on a bird's feathers. Responding to others' opinions about me only stresses me out more, and in this crucial stage in my life, I can't have that happening. But, furthermore, I have no reason to respect this woman. None. Since the first words she has ever spoken to me, very little has been kind--or respectful. Why should I respect her? The most I could maybe go like, "Hey, wow, good job!" is the fact that she's been battling cancer. If the fact that Amber is pretty much doing what she accuses me and Matt of being, and the fact that her second child likes to throw in snide remarks, knowing less about me than her mother, are any indication of her skills as a mother--well, then, I can't say anything about that. In fact, I think Amber lied to me more than I ever lied to her--which was never. I hid things, but I never lied. Hell, even my ex-fiance will say that I'm a good person with good intentions. And he knows me better than anyone.
I'm going to prove to everyone that I CAN succeed at something.
I'm going to stop being a failure, take things in stride.
I'm going to reduce our debt, and hopefully never see our bank accounts in the negative again.
I'm going to continue my efforts at getting Matt to at least dramatically cut down his smoking and drinking.
Five years. In five years, we will be fully on our feet, and living life like a "normal" happy married couple should be, and well on our way to that white picket fence, and 2.5 kids.
Okay, maybe not THAT normal. But you get my point.
I think I may be done for now...unless I want to get into that karma discussion again.
Nah. Not worth my time.
Simply put--give me a reason to respect you, and I will. Don't base your opinion of me based on flustered attempts at defense arguments. Don't cut me off on the highway in the rain. Don't jump down my throat when I tell you Australia was a British prison colony. Don't call me worthless and lazy because I don't keep house like an old-fashioned housewife. I will not respect anyone unless they show a sign of respect for me.
I actually am a very respectful person--to a point. When I choose to use them, I have very good manners. Unless, of course, you back into my car at the DMV, flip me off when I'm not driving 100 MPH to accommodate your reckless speeding ass (I like my car, and I like my spotless driving record, and I don't want to do anything to hurt either one!), or when I'm judged without really being known.
For years, I have battled with poor self-image. This is due to endless cruel teasing in school, and to some extent, my mother. Okay, and my dad, too. I've improved how I look at myself over the last several years through modeling, burlesque, and now as a (so far!) successful student with a dream or two up her sleeve.
Despite having lived with my difficult-to-live-with in-laws for about three years now, I'm happy. I have a wonderful and encouraging husband, and we both have grown as people in leaps and bounds in that time. Instead of being angry with each other or the people who played a major role in our current life, we pour that energy into our art. In the last two years, he's created a whole new image for himself that even his parents seem to like, and I've done everything from beating the piss out of a comforter dummy to a bar full of cheering spectators to making hats to grabbing that first foothold in the process of establishing myself as a local artist. And, we're both in school, pursuing degrees. Could we have done this stuff with our exes? More than likely not.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again--some people just aren't meant to be together. Matt and Amber brought out the worst in each other. Richard was too eager to please, and I took advantage of that toward the end or our relationship. The four of us learned the hard and painful way that we were with the wrong person. Richard now has an awesome (spazzy) wife, and they have a beautiful son together. Amber is remarried, in another country, and if I'm guessing at her mother's cryptic tweets correctly, about to expand on that. Matt and I are married, with 8 feline kids, and working very hard at being successful and fulfilled. While we are happy for our exes, and would like to share that kind of happiness, we've talked and agreed that we are nowhere near ready for children. We have a hard enough time with all the mouths we already have to feed, plus we need to not be living in the smoker's chimney that my in-laws call a house.
The problem with Matt's last marriage was that he was just turned 19 when he got married. He was still a kid. A kid in the Navy, who had yet to really figure out who he was. I will not deny that he and Amber were happy at the beginning of their marriage, but that's the problem when you marry young like that--you may grow into a person who isn't compatible with your partner. Yeah, some people can marry their sweethearts right out of high school and grow old and die together. Some. Others end up embroiled in bitter and messy divorces.
She felt ignored, Matt felt stifled. Which is a bad thing with two equally stubborn people.
While Richard and I never got married, it sure seemed like it sometimes. We were always around each other. He was clingy. He was so intent on keeping me, that he let me do almost whatever I wanted to do. He turned into a mess every time I threatened to or tried to leave him. And I will tell you from experience, being put on that high of a pedestal is not every girl's dream.
We have since determined that we make better friends than lovers. Which works out great, because when we start to irritate the shit out of each other, we always have the option of just saying "piss off, see ya later."
I won't lie. Amber took the brunt of this whole mess. Richard loved me so much that he refused to believe that we were just about over, but he was prepared for it when it finally came. Amber, on the other hand, fought. And fought hard and dirty. Even inadvertently got her mother taking to MySpace and Twitter to lash out at us. Well, more like me. Because I hate when people spew bullshit lies about me and refuse to accept the truth. And I get rather blustery when trying to defend myself.
But, whatever.
This year, I resolved to be a better person. Better in mind, body, and soul. This includes working harder to be healthier by losing weight and eating better; opening up my mind further to broaden my horizons and learn more about the world around me; and working at controlling the issues I have with my brain. It involves diet and exercise, surrounding myself with positive attitudes, working hard at school, having one hell of a good time at Burning Man, and not letting anyone's negativity get me down.
It starts at home, obviously. Did you know I haven't spoken one word to my brother-in-law since he laid his hands on me last summer? Not a single one. And I likely won't be anytime soon, either. That man is a piece of shit, no matter what anyone says. There is no excuse for a man who stands over 6.5' tall and probably close to 300 lbs. to be pushing his brother's 5'6"/140 lb wife around. NONE.
I'm talking, of course, about maybe not clashing with my mother-in-law so much. It'll be hard, because in her mid-60s, she's set in her ways, but maybe I can get her to see that I'm pretty much set in mine, too, and that no amount of her pissing and moaning is going to change the fact that I don't accept old-fashioned gender roles.
As much as it hurts me that my mom won't look beyond Matt's past mistakes and realize that he's learned from them, I'm not going to let that bother me so much anymore. I would love so much for Mom to accept Matt for who he is now as opposed to who he was then...or at least accept the fact that he IS her son-in-law, like it or not.
I'm still not sure what I did wrong when it comes to my baby sister, but I'm sure it'll sort out one day.
As for my brother's current situation, I'm going to try to not stress so much over it. There isn't much I can do except be his big sister, and tell him I love him, and continue to support him.
The biggest thing is, is that I'm not going to let Matt's former mother-in-law bait me into some kind of argument or debate. She has it set in her mind that her daughter is an angel, though more than just me and Matt know otherwise!! I've grown tired of trying to prove that I'm not this horrible person that she thinks I am. Though I've decided that I'm not going to let what she says bother me, I'll still be interested. I mean, just the fact that she still cares and thinks of me makes me go "awww..." a little.
I opened this "little" blurb with her last tweet, after I had posted a few hours beforehand that I was aiming to be more like Lady GaGa--to go out there, do my thing, and not let what others say about me work me up. Respect has nothing to do with it. It has to do with letting words roll off my back like water on a bird's feathers. Responding to others' opinions about me only stresses me out more, and in this crucial stage in my life, I can't have that happening. But, furthermore, I have no reason to respect this woman. None. Since the first words she has ever spoken to me, very little has been kind--or respectful. Why should I respect her? The most I could maybe go like, "Hey, wow, good job!" is the fact that she's been battling cancer. If the fact that Amber is pretty much doing what she accuses me and Matt of being, and the fact that her second child likes to throw in snide remarks, knowing less about me than her mother, are any indication of her skills as a mother--well, then, I can't say anything about that. In fact, I think Amber lied to me more than I ever lied to her--which was never. I hid things, but I never lied. Hell, even my ex-fiance will say that I'm a good person with good intentions. And he knows me better than anyone.
I'm going to prove to everyone that I CAN succeed at something.
I'm going to stop being a failure, take things in stride.
I'm going to reduce our debt, and hopefully never see our bank accounts in the negative again.
I'm going to continue my efforts at getting Matt to at least dramatically cut down his smoking and drinking.
Five years. In five years, we will be fully on our feet, and living life like a "normal" happy married couple should be, and well on our way to that white picket fence, and 2.5 kids.
Okay, maybe not THAT normal. But you get my point.
I think I may be done for now...unless I want to get into that karma discussion again.
Nah. Not worth my time.
Simply put--give me a reason to respect you, and I will. Don't base your opinion of me based on flustered attempts at defense arguments. Don't cut me off on the highway in the rain. Don't jump down my throat when I tell you Australia was a British prison colony. Don't call me worthless and lazy because I don't keep house like an old-fashioned housewife. I will not respect anyone unless they show a sign of respect for me.
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